help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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