ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
