By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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