morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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