how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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