I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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