Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
