My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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