"it" just moved
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
