My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
