This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
