When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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