my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
