Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
