Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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