My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
