It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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