i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
