; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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