I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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