we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
