I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
