I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
