Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
