she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im holly from the hills drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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