well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
