I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
