I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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