dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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