I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
