College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
