We named our party play list daddy issues
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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