I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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