I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
