Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This is my gift to your gina
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
