Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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