If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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