So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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