how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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