Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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