cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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