Jerry, you need to find god
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
where are my eyebrows?
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