I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
