What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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