im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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