im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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