wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
