I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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