Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
True strength comes from lack of pants
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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