and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize