My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
