Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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