I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize