Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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