You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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