she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
