Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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