I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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