He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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