one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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