Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
