rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
