so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
