Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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