yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
