Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it penis luge time yet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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