3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
