I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
