I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
