I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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