wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize