Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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