yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
