She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
