Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
