when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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