In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
