whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
