Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
