Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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