I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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