i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She bit a glass in half.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize