...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
