Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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