Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My brain says no but my pants say off.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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