I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
