Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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