Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Found your dick twin last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
