If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
