if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
