addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize