Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
