the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
