Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize