On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
