If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My bed smells like the plague
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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