I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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