is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
