covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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