I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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