look no pants
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
