Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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