i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she pinky promised me she was 18
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
