Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
