Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
