you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
